Ramblings-n-Writings

Archive for the ‘Musings’ Category

On September 4, 2009, I shared the following words with my online friends …

Four years and almost 1 month to the day after I stood before God and pledged my life to my husband, I woke up to find him gone. For good. Not coming back. Ever. That happened in early July. Since then I’ve grieved, learned to deal with the pain of rejection, went to my first divorce hearing, found out how amazing and gracious God really is, and discovered I have some of the best friends in the world.

Today marks the one year anniversary of that day when my former husband walked out of my life permanently. My perspective last year at this time was one of grief and my world crumbling down around me. Tears poured from my broken heart.  The tunnel was really dark and seemingly had no light at the end.

Little did I know how dramatically my life would change within a year. I am truly amazed at how much God has done and how He has healed my heart.

Today my ex and I are casual friends. We’ve been divorced for over 8 months, and are both in committed relationships with other people. (While growing up I was taught that divorce is bad and is not an option in a marriage, yet I’m here today to say that I am incredibly thankful for my divorce. In a way, it was a relief and allowed me to finally emerge from that dark tunnel.)

My heart truly rejoices as I look back and see how God orchestrated the events of my life to bring me to where I am today.

He provided work exactly when I needed it, and in fact I am continuing to do work that I love. Initially my biggest fear was that I’d have to get an office job somewhere to make ends meet and give up the passions in my life. Not at all. I did work part-time for a couple of places, but there was always enough money for my needs and I had complete control of my own schedule. Only God could’ve done that!

God has also given me someone that I know I will spend the rest of my life with without a doubt. When I think in reflection, I’m often reminded of the Rascal Flatts song “Bless the Broken Road.” While my road has been broken and rough, I wouldn’t change a thing that has brought me to where I am and who I am today.

I do want to say a very deep heartfelt “thank you” to those of you who walked portions of my broken road with me. You know who you are and I will forever cherish you as true friends.

At the end of April I started training for the US Census, and for the next two months I was one of those people that knocked on doors. Lots of doors.

As I drove hundreds of miles on country back roads, I learned a few things about life in West Virginia and life in general.

One of the first things I learned was that anything not 100% necessary in my life had to go. What that meant was if it didn’t help pay the bills or put food on the table, I had to think twice about it. Juggling the census and my work with Two Lane Livin’ became a very delicate balancing act. Throw in some book reviews and things got interesting. Blogging (as you well know) didn’t happen very often.

By weeding out the unnecessary things, I learned what was important to me and what I needed in my life to be happy. Those things have been added back in now that this phase of the census is over. The unimportant stuff is left in my past to collect dust.

While spending hours driving around and knocking on doors, I discovered that West Virginia has some of the nicest, most helpful people that you’ll find. So many offered information on how to get from Point A to Point B and avoid hazardous road conditions like rocky low water crossings, 4-wheel drive ruts, creek bed roads, and gigantic potholes (seriously, I’ve seen a few that could swallow my car). Others offered advice on neighbors – who worked and who didn’t and when the best time was to catch them at home. I learned family history as well as who lived in the hollow the longest, where the old homesteads were, who was related to who, and tons of other fascinating stories.

Another thing I discovered is that there are passable back roads. To the average person who doesn’t live in West Virginia that might not make sense, and to those of you who do live in WVa., I think I hear you snickering. West Virginia is ranked as one of the better states for interstate highway systems. The problems start when you exit off the interstate to a rural road. The state roads are maintained at an okay level. Patched areas are prevelant as the state attempts to control the potholes, but most state roads can be navigated safely at 45-55 mph. Turn off of a state road on to a county road and … well … things go from okay to risky. Top speed is 25 mph on a “paved” road and 15 mph on a gravel (aka dirt) road.

Driving for the census taught me that the shortest distance in miles, not necessarily time, between Point A and Point B is often the gravel road. Any time you take a gravel road in WVa. you are taking a risk. Many gravel roads used to be main thoroughfares years and years ago (think horseback riders about 20 years ago). Sometimes the road is still there and according to maps and the GPS  it is a viable road. After venturing up more roads than I can count, I learned to ignore the map and rely on what the indicators told me. I got pretty good at guessing if a road continued through or if it was too rough for a car to pass or if it just plain ole’ stopped at a gate. I also perfected my 3-point turning skills and backing-up-down-a-hill skill. With my newfound knowledge, I feel safer knowing I can take backroads with confidence and make it home with my car still in one piece.

Another thing I learned is that so many old homesteads are just left to ruin. It’s really sad. West Virginia has some gorgeous old farmhouses that have been restored. But for every one that has been restored, I’d guess there’s at least 5 that are rotting away. I’m talking about homes with real hardwood floors, two-story porches, and beautiful lattice work, all with farmland and views to die for. My understanding is that most of these homes belong to families that just can’t get along. The patriarch of the family left the family homestead to the kids, but they can’t agree who gets to live in the house, so no one lives in it or maintains it. It really is quite sad to see so many pieces of architectural history just deteriorate because of some family squabble. I’d love to live in and restore some of these old homesteads. New job in my future? Probably not.

I love patterns and orderly things. I also love dissecting them and seeing how they work.

My BF does drywall work as a side job, and one of his specialties is texturing ceilings. He loves to put “sunbursts” around ceiling fans. I can’t quite describe a sunburst, and unfortunately I don’t have a photo of one. A sunburst is a swirly circular pattern that extends about 20-30 inches out from the center of a ceiling fan or light. (The width depends on the size of the fan or light.)

I asked him how he makes the sunbursts, and I got the verbal explanation. It didn’t quite make sense, so I stood underneath one and tried to figure out the pattern. I wanted to know where he started and how the layers of swirls were created. After staring at the ceiling for about 5 minutes, I found one tiny, almost hidden, overlap of swirls. That little overlap told me all I needed to know.

I now knew where he started the pattern, the direction he went, and every stroke he made in the drywall mud. I found his pattern.

I wish I could find a pattern in my work right now. I seem to have lost all sense of orderliness (is that word?).

At the end of April, I started working for the US Census. I enjoy the work and totally love the weekly paycheck. As a freelancer, steady paychecks are hard to come by. Plus there’s the wonderful bonus of not having to worry about saving $$ for taxes, because the taxes are taken care of (happy sigh of relief).

But having a sorta full-time, albeit temporary, job has really thrown a wrench in the rest of my life. Blogging has almost gone by the wayside. Over at Skala Creative, I’ve missed two regular posting days. I didn’t do near as well this month with advertising sales for Two Lane Livin’. And I feel like I’m scrambling to get my ads finished for this month’s deadline too.

I’ve made lists, am trying to keep on my book review reading schedule, have ideas swirling in my head for blog posts, and yet I still feel like I’m wandering aimlessly. I’m used to managing my own time - which I can still do even with the census work – but the added responsibilities have wreaked havoc. I need a pattern soon! 

I have to find that almost hidden, secret spot that is the key to everything falling in place … before I go insane. LOL

So we were forecasted to get a bunch of snow … ya know, 6-12 inches which for around here is a lot. All the milk and bread disappeared from store shelves. Schools closed their doors. And everyone prepared for the worst … that never came.

Only a dusting of about 3 inches of really light powdery snow filtered from the sky during the past 48 hours. Definitely beats the 2-3 ft of snow that landed in my home state of Pennsylvania!

I guess things could’ve been a lot worse, like back in December when we really did get 12 inches of snow. That blast of snow sent our county into a blackout with many not having electricity for 5 days or more.

So I’m grateful that we didn’t get another 12 inches. But either way, I learned a few things from all this snow …

1. Our road crews are definitely doing a better job this year with road care. I’ve seen more snow plows and cinders this year than in the previous four winters combined! While this may not sound significant, it’s a really big deal when you’re used to not being able to drive on the roads for at least 48 hours after an inch of snow. In fact, from what I’ve heard, they’ve actually treated the roads so well this year that they ran out of salt/cinders/sand and had to purchase some from another county.
2. It is physically possible for cows to eat the entire center out of a round bale of hay and leave the outside layer still standing and in tact. I really wish I had a photo of this, but imagine a huge round bale of hay standing up on it’s side (the rounded part, not the flat side). Then make a great big hole right through the center, and keep the top of the bale still in place so all it looks like is someone drew a great big circle of hay and forgot to fill it in.
3. Electricity and internet are luxuries. Heat is a necessity. Gas stoves are marvelous appliances. I can do a lot of things without electricity, and quite a few more things when I’m not distracted by the internet. However, if I’m cold, I can’t do a thing! And you can always cook a meal on a gas stove.
4. If the snowflakes are big enough, it is possible to see the individuality of each of them. If you’ve never seen the detail of a snowflake, it is truly amazing. I saw some of the most beautiful flakes, each one unique. Some of the flakes looked similar – maybe the same tips on the points but different centers. I imagine the snowflakes are just like us. God made each of us unique yet we have some of the same characteristics – hair color, eye color, voice accents – yet we’re all different. The design of our human bodies is intricate with so many parts relying on other parts to make up the whole. To me, a snowflake reflects the same intricacies.
5. And finally, the most profound lesson … if you want the electricity to stay on, don’t bother resetting the clocks to the right time. Inevitably as soon as you do, the electricity will go off again … even if for a split second but enough to start the clock flashing again!

As I was contemplating possibly moving after my divorce, my heart always felt heavy, but I never quite knew why. All of the usual reasons came to mind – friends, work, etc. – but they didn’t seem to be the root of it.

Finally, earlier this week, I figured it out. I was walking to my car with a friend one evening and we stopped to gaze at the stars. Here in our tiny county in the center of the West Virginia, the eye can see thousands upon thousands of stars. My jaw drops every time I gaze at the sky. There are so many specks of light and tiny galaxies!

Our area has little to no light pollution making the night sky jet black. The closest city with street lights is 25 miles away – probably a little closer if you were a crow – but that little town only has 1 street lined with lights. The closest major city giving off a glow in the sky is about 60 miles away. So, our nights are really, really dark – don’t expect to see your hand two inches in front of your face unless you have a flashlight.

To give you an idea of what our sky looks like … below is an image of the constellation Orion and is considered a magnitude 6 (that’s apparently astronomer speak for how dark the sky is, and there’s only one level higher where you can see more stars). For all I know, we could be a magnitude 7 and, honestly, the picture really doesn’t do it justice. All I know is it is gorgeous.

But anyway, I’m slightly off topic. The thought that ran through my mind that evening consisted of the words to How Great Thou Art…

Oh Lord, my God, when I in awesome wonder consider all the worlds thy hands have made, I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder, thy power throughout the universe displayed, then sings my soul, my Savior, God to thee, how great thou art, how great thou art.

I realized that here in West Virginia I see God every day, and that deeply increases my personal faith and walk. I couldn’t live where there are huge homes with perfectly manicured lawns lining every street and shopping plazas and drug stores on almost every corner.  That describes where I grew up – goodbye farmland, hello drug store.

There’s something deeply personal to me about being able to drive down the road and see a newborn calf just figuring out how to use his wobbly legs. Or standing outside on a summer afternoon listening to the thunder roll through the hills and echo for miles. Or gazing at millions of stars on a cold winter night. Or watching an ugly weed next to the ditch turn into a beautiful wildflower. Or noticing a fawn or a flock of turkeys or a hawk or a small barn owl.

I finally figured out that seeing God through nature is part of what makes me tick deep down inside. And I couldn’t possibly leave it behind.

And, as a little treat today, I’m ending with my absolute favorite version of How Great Thou Art. Every time I hear Carrie sing this song, I get goosebumps. This particular video doesn’t quite do Carrie’s performance justice, but you can catch the “live” version on either CMT or GAC on a really great show called “How Great Thou Art.”