Ramblings-n-Writings

Archive for December 7th, 2009

I’m not a big fan of daytime talk shows, but the last few minutes of Dr. Phil’s show today caught my attention. I turned the television on ready to scan the channels for something to listen to in the background while I made dinner. What Dr. Phil was saying stopped me dead in my tracks. I grabbed a pencil and used envelope to scribble it down. This isn’t verbatim, but close …

If you have been cheated on, it was not your fault. If your spouse cheats on you, they make that decision. It is the spouse’s fault through immaturity, lack of impulse control. It is not your fault.

Just over three months ago, I shared that I was walking through uncharted waters and dealing with a divorce. One of the things that I’m grateful for is that I never felt like my ex-husband’s actions were my fault. I’m not saying I was completely innocent, but he made the choices.

He decided to pursue the other woman, even after I knew about her. He’s the one that chose to leave his family’s farm and move to another state with her. I was here. I was waiting. He made the choice.

One of the things that helped me was when it became obvious that he was headed down a different road, he told me that none of it was my fault. He bore the responsibility for his choices. And during a couple of conversations after he left, he repeated to me that it was not my fault.

While it saddens me that he recognized what he was doing and didn’t attempt to change it, I’m grateful that he reinforced to me that his actions, not mine, were causing the problem. Again, I’m not saying I was 100% innocent, but like Dr. Phil said, the spouse who cheats makes that decision. It is his fault.

If you are walking the same road I’ve been on – knowing (for 8 long months) that your spouse is cheating, watching your marriage fall apart, or dealing with a divorce – don’t let Satan attack you and destroy your self esteem. You are better than that. You are better than the spouse that cheated. Relationships can get ugly with finger pointing and name calling, but remember that as long as you are remaining faithful to your marriage vows, you are strong and what is happening is not your fault. Remember to listen to the Voice of Truth.