Ramblings-n-Writings

Archive for September, 2007

Sometimes it’s the little things that matter the most. One of the prayers suggested in yesterday’s Proverbs 31 devotional was “Show me the beauty in the midst of these difficulties.” I read that statement, tucked it away in a corner and moved on.

Now as I reflect on yesterday, I see the beauty. Was yesterday a particularly difficult day? Not really. Was it the day I wanted, had planned? Nope.

In the midst of our daily dealings with worker’s compensation, Social Security, injuries, illness and self-employment, my husband and I do lead normal lives and are normal people with wants, needs and desires. It’s difficult to see the normalcy sometimes but I’m sure it’s there somewhere.

Yesterday was a “big day” for me. I was wrapping up the final details on a book and had a few minor adjustments to make before uploading the files to the printer’s ftp site. Then, after months and months, the book would be out of my hair finally. One less project to worry about. But it wasn’t so. Not long after I crawled out of bed and padded to the living room, my husband appeared to tell me that I was volunteered to go to Nettles for tractor parts. Well, there went my plans for the day. I had to fight down the urge to vent because I hate being volunteered for things without being asked first or given more than an hour notice. So I put on my happy face and prepared to make the 20 mile trip to Nettles.

One tiny blessing was I would be in the same area as a grocery store that had cat food on sale. Sounds like a bizarre blessing but when you’re feeding 7 cats, the food bill can get kinda high. In fact, this particular grocery store had a buy one, get one free sale. Yippee!!! Plus the store was having Dollar Days so the deals would be fantastic. After visiting the tractor store, I headed for the grocery store and made a beeline for the cat food aisle. Much to my dismay, one lonely bag of buy one, get one cat food sat on the shelf. I picked it up and wandered back to the customer service counter to inquire about more bags. As I held up my bag, the lady chuckled and said, “You must be looking for the buy one, get one free cat food.” I told her there was only one bag left and asked if there were any more in the back. After determining that every stock person in the store was taking a lunch break (poor scheduling in my opinion), the store manager decided to go look for more food for me. A few minutes later he came back empty handed. We stood in the aisle contemplating the empty shelf for what seemed like forever. Finally I asked if I could have another bag of the same size but a different brand. He looked around a bit and then asked if I could use a big bag (18 lbs). Careful to not appear too joyful, I said, “Well, I guess so…I don’t see why not. Why?” He then offered to give me a big bag minus the price of the sale. I ended up with a large bag of brand name catfood for $7!!!!! To some that may appear insignificant, but when you’re on a tight budget, a $7 bag of cat food is a wonderful thing – possibly just short of a miracle.

But the beauty in the midst of difficulties didn’t end there. A friend called in the evening asking if we would come visit for a few minutes to help with something. Being human, I griped because once again I wouldn’t be able to finish my work. We pulled into their driveway and found furniture sitting outside. Their living room was empty minus the TV stand, end tables and two very confused little dogs. A relative had come to visit and, while yard sale shopping that day, bought them a sofa and recliner that was in excellent condition. Out with the old in with the new. Then before I realized what happened, we were the proud new owners of one of their old sofas. We really didn’t need a new sofa but this one was too good to pass up. It is less than 4 years old, is a top-of-the-line sleeper sofa and is in pristine condition. The colors match perfectly and it’s the perfect size for our living room. (We have a small living room and can’t accomodate a full-size sofa along with a recliner, fish tank, coffee table etc.)

Yesterday reminded me that sometimes the little things like being a friend are more important than the big things like wrapping up a project. If I would have insisted on staying home, I wouldn’t be looking forward to the arrival of our new sofa later today. If I would have protested going to the tractor store, I would be buying cat food again in another week. Now if I could only look forward to a working dishwasher and a clean kitchen. (More to follow later about the dishwasher drama.)

We live in a world of knowledge, technology and communication. Just about anything a person wants to know is available at the click of a button. Information is readily available. Why is it that in this age of knowledge so many people suffer weeks of illness without help from the medical world? Sure, the medical professional subscribes medication and treatments, but do they actually solve the problem or just mask the symptoms?

My current state of mind on this matter comes from three very different situations with the common denominator being months of illness. My husband and I have watched a close friend put himself at the mercy of doctors for the last 8 months and have watched his physical condition literally detioriate before our eyes. Before he got sick, he weighed about 190 lbs and is 6 ft. 2 in. tall. Currently he is 133 lbs. and still 6 ft. 2 in. tall. The only way to describe his appearance is he is a walking skeleton. You can see just about every bone in his body. Does this concern the doctors? He was given pain medication to mask the abdominal pain he has, treated for two weeks for an ulcer, and subjected to two stays in the hospital because of severe dehydration after vomiting for days on end. One doctor’s opinion – he’s bulimic. I personally would like to strangle that doctor. I realize the details are sketchy but in no way, shape or form is this man bulimic. He is sick. However, in this age of knowledge, the doctors have been little help. Finally, after another go-round of endoscopy and colonoscopy, the doctor prescribed a medication. Wow, it actually helped – 8 months and 60 lbs. later.

Yesterday, I had a discussion with someone about a medical condition he had suffered from for over a year. After he endured as much as he could, he visited the doctor, was told to take pain medication and take it easy for a few weeks. He consumed a lot of pain medication and whiskey in hopes of dulling the pain. Well, that didn’t work. He made an appointment with a specialist who recommended surgery. Then in a conversation with a friend, the friend suggested taking a simple over-the-counter mineral to see if it helped. After 2-3 days of that treatment, the problem cleared up and hasn’t been a problem since. Pain medication? Surgery? The solution was a simple mineral deficiency.

Then there’s myself. For years, I unknowingly was hypothyroid. A little over a year ago, I was diagnosed and started on the routine daily medication. I had my ups and downs until the dosage was straightened out. Even now I still have good days and bad days. Yesterday I stumbled upon a wealth of information. I studied up on thyroid diseases when I was first diagnosed. Over the year I’ve learned what makes me feel better – eating a lot of organic foods (easy to do when you live on a farm), avoiding processed foods and those with a lot of fructose corn syrup, and the list goes on. Yesterday I stumbled upon an interesting piece of information. Because my body was hypothyroid for so long, it is deficient in some essential nutrients. Can I believe that fact? Sure, because I have quite a few symptoms that lead me to believe it. My doctor was concerned about writing me a prescription, seeing if I felt better and moving on. Never was there education involved. She did tell me to take a daily vitamin. What she didn’t tell me was the strength. I had been taking a regular vitamin similar to Centrum. Not enough to make up for the deficiencies. Plus I never saw much difference taking the vitamin or not taking the vitamin. Why? Because some of the vitamin levels should be extremely higher than the average vitamin. After doing a little more research yesterday, I developed a standard recommendation of vitamin intake for hypothyroids and marched off to Wal-Mart to find the best match. After taking two doses, I notice a slight improvement. I’m going to see how things develop and possibly add more to my vitamin regimen. Now, the question is, why couldn’t my doctor inform me of these ideas if she feels qualified enough to treat my disease?

Yesterday my Proverbs 31 devotion arrived in my email. (I signed up to receive these emails about a week ago. I’m a person who has always struggled with the idea of consistent devotions, and in the past week, I’m proud to say I haven’t missed reading a single devotional. It’s something about the convenience of having it waiting in my inbox first thing in the morning.)

Little did I know how close yesterday’s devotional would hit home. The title was “When God Says No, Keep Asking.” For some reason that title struck me as a little odd. Maybe it was because somewhere along the line I was taught that once God answers, accept the answer and move on.

Sharon, the devotional writer, used two examples that really opened my eyes to the truth behind the title. Her first example was the Canaanite woman from Matthew 15:22-28. The woman’s daughter was possessed with demons and the woman went to see Jesus in hopes of having her daughter healed. “And behold a woman of Canaan came out of the same coasts, and cried unto him, saying, Have mercy on me, O Lord…my daughter is grievously vexed with a devil. But he answered her not a word.”

Wow! Jesus didn’t even speak to her. How often do we get miffed when someone ignores us? Our feathers get ruffled and our blood pressure rises. Not so with the Canaanite woman. In fact, “his disciples came and besought him saying, Send her away; for she crieth after us.” The disciples wanted to send her away because she was still asking! She continued to worship Jesus and after what appears to be a passage of time (“Then came she” – meaning she had left and came back again), she asked again, “Lord, help me.” I’m not sure what Jesus’ response means in vs. 26 but I completely understand vs. 28! “O woman, great is thy faith: be it unto thee even as thou wilt.” Her prayer was answered how she wanted it answered! Her daughter was healed!

The other example that Sharon uses is from the story of Jacob and his wrestling with God (Genesis 33). Jacob wanted God’s blessing and he refused to let go of God til he received that blessing. In fact, Jacob received a broken leg as a result but he had God’s blessing in the end. There’s something to be said about remaining steadfast in our pleadings.

Why did these examples hit close to home? For almost four years, my husband and I have been dealing with the workers compensation system. It is so easy to give up, throw our hands up in the air and act down on our luck because of the lack of medical treatment, no income, and constant dealings with attorneys. Have we done that? Yes, on multiple occasions – we’re human. Do we remember that God is in control? Sure. And at times it seems like all we do is plead with God for answers, progress etc.

We do make progress and at times we take one step forward and two steps backward like this week. In June a doctor gave us a referral to a local orthopedic doctor. We sent the referral to our attorney, it went through the legal hoops, we received authorization – in somewhat record time (6 weeks) – and we waited for the appointment to be scheduled. And we waited…and waited. This week we learned that the orthopedic doctor’s office won’t accept the referral because it is out-of-state comp.

Talk about deflation. This doctor is one of the best in the area and we were excited about finally being able to see a doctor who might be able to help. Of course, the situation begged a few questions such as why wasn’t the comp question addressed in the beginning before it was authorized, why didn’t the doctor’s office let us know when they received the authorization forms that they wouldn’t see him, etc.

So in light of yesterday’s devotional, I have decided to continue to pray and plead that Jerry be allowed to see Dr. Krivchenia. Tomorrow we see the original doctor that made the referral and I’m hoping that he’ll be able to pull some of his doctor strings and get Jerry an appointment. I know God is in control. And I’m going to continue to plead with God that the whole comp situation be resolved soon, to our liking and not comp’s. It’s possible – look at the Canaanite woman.

In thinking about the brevity of life and the trials that come as we walk life’s path, I am reminded of the old hymn, “His Eye is on the Sparrow.”

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Dedicated in memory of Roy Ellis (02.20.35 – 09.05.07)

There’s something about the thrill of finding an old friend who you haven’t heard from in years. Prior to beginning my blogging experience, I jumped head first into the world of Facebook. For those of you unfamiliar with the concept of Facebook, it’s similar to MySpace. And for those of you unfamiliar with MySpace, well, I don’t know what to say. Seriously, Facebook is a “social networking utility.” Big words to say that through Facebook you can find all those old friends you lost contact with. For someone like myself who has lived in 3 different states and attended college in a 4th state Facebook is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Well, not really.

Much to my delight, in the past 2 months I’ve managed to accumulate 61 friends via Facebook (just about an average of one friend per day). Now, these people are not strangers. These are 61 people that my life has come in contact with sometime during the past 15 years or so. Our associations are varied too – high school classmates, college friends, cousins, former students and others.

Yesterday I received an email that Becky L. had added me to her friend list. Woo-hoo! I hadn’t heard from or seen Becky in about 10 years. (She was one of my classmates from Kindergarten through 12th grade.) We were great friends and often spent Sunday afternoons at each other’s houses riding bikes, reading books etc. But as things happen, we went our separate ways after high school and college. Now, 13 years later, we’re back in touch! We’re walking down memory lane remembering VW Rabbits, bike rides, our families etc.

Today, our pastor mentioned the “great expansion of knowledge” referred to in the Bible as happening during the end times. (Sorry, I don’t know the reference.) He talked about how out here in the middle of nowhere we have access to high speed internet and in a matter of seconds can send an email to a missionary in Siberia. He also mentioned how we can get online and research any topic – the information is at our fingertips. While his observations further solidify the idea that we are getting closer to the end times, I find myself grateful that I am living during a time of knowledge and a time where friends and relatives are just a mouse-click away rather than a day’s journey.

But even with society’s expansion of knowledge, man still cannot change the fact that we all must die. Our lives are a vapor in the vast scheme of things. What is here today is gone tomorrow. When I was visiting W.Va. before I moved here, my future husband and I visited a local church. An older gentleman, Roy, greeted us at the door and took the time to learn about us, to welcome us. Roy and Carolyn, his wife, are perhaps two of the most genuine people we’ve met. There was no question that they cared about us as two individuals and as a couple. After attending Cornerstone for almost 2 years, we moved on to a different church. Whenever we returned for special programs or whatever reason, Roy was the first to seek us out and learn what had happened in our lives since the last visit. Through a series of events, we began attending there again this summer. Today was perhaps the saddest Sunday I’ve experienced in many years because Roy wasn’t there to greet us. Today was his first Sunday in heaven and I look forward to the day I cross heaven’s shore and find Roy waiting to shake my hand again.